Thursday, October 7, 2010

For Brooke

"Life can change your direction, even when you didn't plan it
All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic
Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage
To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible
Even when winning's illogical, losing's still far from optional"

There are many things I don't understand. Many. Some I may understand with time and age. Some answers may appear one day. But there is one thing I will never understand.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I simply do not know.

There is a woman. A kind hearted, compassionate, strong woman who is a friend of mine. And she is very ill right now. She is, as her best friend Tate refers to her, one of our "endo sisters". Which means, she, like many of the women in our "group" has this terrible disease called endometriosis. Unfortunately it's not a very well known disease. One that is quiet in society but loud in our bodies. The reasons we are sisters..well, there are so many reasons..but I guess to sum it up in the best way possible..there are no words for what we go through. There are no words to describe the debilitating pain that wakes us in the middle of the night. There are no words to describe the fear we feel over the idea that we won't be able to have children. There are no words for how many years we have tried to find relief-all of the hope we have put into it, and all of the despair we have felt when medicine failed us. Our bodies have failed us, doctors have failed us, medicine has failed us. But one thing that hasn't failed-our faith, devotion, encouragement, and hope for each other. This group of "endo sisters", many of which have endometriosis, and several others who have diseases much like it, is made up of the strongest women I have ever known. And our support for each other, even from a distance, is more real than many friendships we have known throughout our lifetime.

Brooke went in for her 6th surgery on October 1st, hoping to relieve some of the pain that she has been feeling for so long. What should have been a surgery that would bring hope and relief, turned into tragedy. The surgeons cut the artery in her leg, and Brooke nearly lost her life. She has been in the ICU for 6 days and has had a total of 14 blood transfusions. She had to go back in for surgery to remove 3 blood clots. Her blood is low in magnesium. She is exhausted. But, just a few hours out of that first tragic surgery, 9 blood transfusions in, all of us holding our breathe, waiting to hear how she is doing..Brooke reaches out. Even in her own tragedy, she sends us messages of hope-asking how we are doing, still encouraging us to fight the fight-when she is the one who is fighting the hardest battle of her life. One of the things she said still echoes inside my head and my heart..

"I want to live more than anything."

Brooke has one of the strongest, most endearing spirits I have known. The doctors told her that she is here for a reason, that God has a plan for her. And he does.

Here's the thing-Brooke is an angel. Plain and simple. God doesn't just have a plan. God took Brooke in his hands long ago, and made her His. Made her His angel. She, like many of the women I have met along this journey, is an angel. She came into our lives and made us stronger. She gave us hope. She showed us what strength and perseverance is. She gave us a gift that no one else could give.

And right now, she needs us. So, I call upon the angels. The ones in heaven, and the ones here on Earth-you, the members of the Chronically Ill Club, you angels on earth. Please pray for our fellow angel. She still has work to do here.

We love you Brooke.
And to you, and my endo sisters
and my Chronically Ill Club

I'm here. I'm with you.
"Even if I lose the game
I'm all in.
I'm all in for life."


  1. This is amazing, thankyou for writing it! So very well written.


  2. gorgeous. so so special. this would have touched her so much (when reading) and meant so much to her.
    (ps- they didn't cut the leg artery. it was the Iliac, which is inside the abdomen... she had a laproscopy)

  3. oh, the lliac is an artery still though, right? in the stomach? oh I should probably fix that..for some reason I thought it was in her leg. gosh the lliac sounds even worse.

  4. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

    The question assumes that there is a benevolent presence in the universe that could, if it chose, make things happen differently.

  5. hey lauraa I just happened to find your youtube channel,I always wonder about that, I wouldn't wish pain upon anyone good or bad, but sometimes I wonder why me, why was I chosen to suffer, because I haven't found peace with everything that I endure through on a daily it becomes difficult even writing this is difficult, im a 20 yr old and have been suffering for 2 years and doctors cant pinpoint to anything and recently i was bit by a tick it really shook up my world people have repeatedly told me I have bad luck and all my spirits have been lost but I keep trying to go on with life..thanks for your blog posts it makes me feel like im not alone you do it means a lot! It really makes me wanna speak the truth and not play a ongoing facade since it gets tiring, I just should let things be. You showed me its ok to let your guard down. I only hope the best for you, don't lose hope, your definately a warrior to me, even a role model because you have kept trooping. I have lost along this journey so many times, cried over several things.This really helped me put my life in introspect and see where I can see my life in 20 years, I have to be realistic about my hopes and dreams.