Monday, April 21, 2014

The pieces.

Sometimes I swear I can see the pieces of my life that were taken away from me shattered on the ground.  I want to pick them up and fumble them with my fingers, quickly, and place them back together.  I can almost see them, what exists in these pieces, all of the places I did not go, the people I lost along the way, the dreams that have to wait- some left behind all together.

But I do have pictures, frames of what is.  They show me what has persevered despite overwhelming odds.  I will look at them fondly, I will, but I always long for more.  I have always been a person who has longed for more.

This is both a strength and a weakness.  Longing for more pushes me ahead always.  Wanting more for myself both keeps me alive and keeps me awake at night.  The pieces may have shattered, they may have been taken away from me, but I will never stop trying to put them back together.  I will never stop trying to repair what was broken.  I’ll kneel on the ground now, pick up these imagined pieces in my hands and say, “I’m sorry I left you.  But please do not leave me. I am not finished yet.”  I will never, never, never stop trying to put the pieces back together.

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